How to win an Oscar

The Oscars are this weekend so I thought I would blog about it.

How do you know if your movie will be nominated for an Oscar?

Clue one:
If your movie has homosexual characters you might as well write your acceptance speech.

Just ask Jake Gyllenhael, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Heath Ledger, Charlize Theron, Felicity Huffman and Selma Hayek if this tip works. They all have been nominated for Oscars!

Clue two:
If your movie is about a controversial issue:

Movies about euthanasia (Million Dollar Baby) , racial tension (Crash), or documentaries about the Iraq war (Fahrenheit 911) will surely make a splash Oscar night.
Someone should write a film about a mercy killing in the mist of all the racial tension in Iraq. Sounds like a winner!

Clue three: Biopics’ are for winners.

Pick a biography of a cutting edge musician or boxer. Examples: Cross the Line , Ray , and Ali
I can’t wait for the biopic about Snoop Dog!

Clue four: If your movie has tons of nudity.

If your movie doesn’t show skin don’t even bother submitting it to the Academy (whoever they are!).

Clue five: Your actors have become unrecognizable.
If you have put on weight, became incredicibly buff or grew some facial hair for a movie, get ready for some major booty kissing from your collegues.

Now let me tell you who will get snubbed by the Academy Awards:

• Action films
• Romantic Comedies
• Movies about Jesus (ask Mel Gibson).