Will the Real Stephen Colbert Please Stand-Up!

Stephen Colbert says he's a liberal parodying a conservative on his show,
"The Colbert Report," in order to mock Republicans. I don't believe him.
I think he's pretending to be a liberal acting like a conservative so his bosses
at Comedy Central will keep him on air. Admit it, Mr. Colbert, you're one
of us, aren't you? You're not acting. You really are a red stater, God fearing,
gun owning, and Bush supporting conservative.

I know these are hard times for us. Not too many people like us right now.
Also, I know if you were to tell your producer, Jon Stewart, that you are a
Republican he would probably punch you really hard and that might hurt
(or it may not). And what would Comedy Central do if they realized they had
a red stripped elephant on air? They would probably have to take you off air
and extend 'The Sarah Silverman Program' or ask Carlos Mencia to make
more 'Mind of Mencia' episodes. We all know Mencia is too lazy to steal more
jokes. Oh, and your career in comedy would absolutely be over because it's a
scientific fact that conservatives are not funny. Actually, I'm not sure if that
is a scientific fact; it just felt right in my gut.

Look at how you mocked liberals in your column today in The New York Times:

"Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s
all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too."

That's not joking around. You know your jokes have some truthiness to
them? Don't you, Mr. Colbert? Your new book should have been titled,
"I Am Republican (And So Can You)." So will the real Stephen Colbert
please stand up!

On a side note: I believe Ann Coulter is a liberal acting like a conservative so
she can embarrass the hell out of us.